The story of the 26 year old

The story of the 26 year old

I think back to when I was 26. I had just had a pivotal moment in my life. I had just crossed the threshold from being a carefree, energetic, spontaneous bachelorette to being a settled down career woman and mother. In all honesty, the motherhood slowed me down. Had that not happened I probably would have kicked it hard until I turned 30. At 26, I would have not dreamed of giving a 26 year old guy the time of day. It just wouldn't happen. I've been notorious for dating older men. The smallest age gap has been 2 years and the biggest has been 20. The only exception to that is the LOML who is 2 years YOUNGER than me.
So there’s this 26 year old that had been trying to take me out for a while. Now, I haven’t had the best of luck in the dating world, so I figured it would be cool to just hang out with him. We started talking every now and then, going to the movies, just having a very harmless friendship- I mean he’s 26 and I’m 31 for goodness sake! Well somewhere in between the casual dinners and movies we started having sex. Now I’m blurry on the why’s and how’s of how it started, all I am clear on is this guy completely surprised me! I mean, ok- stamina taken out of the picture (he's 26, he SHOULD have stamina) but even without that, the sex is absolutely mindblowing. I’m really glad that I started working out 3 times a week back in February, because I think without that I could not handle this dude. I mean he twists and turns me in all kinds of positions, he has a huge di*k (Almost bigger than the LOML- ALMOST), he has a crazy stroke. I mean the boy is bad! But he’s 26.
I can’t date a 26 year old. It just isn't natural, is it? I mean, he’s 26. I’m 31. I'm a business woman, a mother, I'm a “Grown Woman” as Mary J. would say. He's IMHO just now reaching the point where he should be starting to settle down. I've been settled for years now. He teases me and tells me that I need to loosen up a little, but to me he’s too lax. It wouldn't work, would it? Well, the sex is great, that I can’t take away from him. But he’s 26.
If I DID decide to start dating him, does that mean that I'm a cougar ?

The Dream

I keep having this very weird dream. I've been having it for as long as I can remember, but it's starting to change, and is getting even more weird. It's even becoming a part of my daydreams and I'm starting to worry a little.
I remember years ago, I was probably no more than 5 years old; I was over my aunts’ house visiting. I was outside playing, and was running up and down the street. I remember running, while turning my head back and forth (making myself very dizzy- don't ask me why). I remember running directly into a utility pole which was right in front of my aunts’ house. I remember getting to her front door- but that's it. The next thing I knew, I woke up with a big ass bump on my head.
So the dream- In my dream, I actually never woke up. I had been in a coma for years! So everything that has happened to me has actually been a part of my dreams while in this coma. Going to college, all the drama, all the bad relationships, my child, and my friends were all a figment of my imagination. In the dream I finally wake up (as a 20 something year old- YAAAAY dream!) and get to basically start life (over). This was GREAT at first until I realize that I don’t have my child- who is the center of my universe. I also don't have my degree or my great career. So the dream becomes a nightmare because life as I "thought" I knew it doesn't really exist.
Now here's the twist: The more recent dreams are still the same, except HE's a part of it now. The LOML (love of my life)! Of course, because I'd been dreaming, he's not really the love of my life and I don't actually know him at all. This is just another blow to me when I wake up. But apparently (in my dream) he does ACTUALLY exist! And HE'S been in a coma for years as well! AND his coma came around the same time as mine! AND- he wakes up around the same time as I do! AND- he dreamed about me as well. So someone somewhere finds out about us and decides to get us together to meet. And we fall in love, and marry, and live the rest of our lives together. And the greatest part is that I get my child back...The beautiful baby that I dreamed I had while I was in the coma, I actually have while I'm with him. She's the EXACT same child from her looks to her mannerisms. The only difference is her father is who it SHOULD BE! WOW!

She's living the life that should have been mine

Have you ever had that feeling? You see someone living the life that should be yours. You see someone benefiting from the blood, sweat, and tears that you put into someone else to get them right. Reality is hitting me hard this morning. I have an ex, he's actually my 1st real relationship (as much bullshit as it was, it was my 1st). He and I had a lot of issues, most steaming from the fact that we were young and trying to live our college lives while having this long distance relationship. We were together for 3 years then had this gray area for about 1 year. During the gray area time, I met and fell in love with the man that I know I'm meant to be with (whether that happens or not is another story). My ex tried and tried for a while to get us back. But my heart, my head and my loyalty had moved towards the LOML and all the pain that I went through with the ex wasn’t worth me going back. So he eventually moved on and is now engaged to one of the women that he cheated on me with. I found out he was with her a couple of years ago and also found out that they had been an on/off item for years (including the time he and I were together and the time he was trying to get me back). I also found out that she had no idea I was in the picture so I don’t have any bitterness towards her and in a way I ‘m glad that they have found what it takes to commit and become a family. But this competitive spirit I have inside of me is roaring mad! I mean, come on- how does the bad guy end up on top? How is it that she is able to have what I had been trying to get for years? It’s not fair! He should be miserable and unhappy and still uncertain about life! I mean, he cheated on me over and over again. He had 3, count them- 3 accused pregnancies during our time together, and the 3rd was his (mind you the 1st accusation was by the girl he is now engaged to). So I know I did the right thing by me to leave him for good. I know that I would never be happy with him, because I know what he is capable of, and the damage was done so long ago.
This weekend, I was over my cousins house, and we were talking about him and his upcoming nuptials, and my cousin says “Awe, he’s getting married!” then looks to me and says “Poor thing” as if to say I lost my chance and I fucked up. Well I say “He is marrying a woman that he cheated on me with. I left him because he constantly cheated on me. How am I the poor thing?” I swear I can’t win