Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The 3 month curse

I am cursed. I know I am. I don't know how this happened. But I know it's so. Here's the deal. Let's start with "the breakup of 06"...Now technically that relationship lasted a lot longer than 3 months (try 7 or 8 years off and on) but our on for the last time was 3 months (give or take). Things were going great. What's better than rekindling a flame with your first love? Especially after all that we went through with and without each other. But then something happened. I can't say exactly what it was, but I felt it in my gut that something was wrong. I know this man. I know his ins, his outs, his ups and his downs. So I KNEW there was something wrong. I tried to not react (because I had nothing to react to, he was constantly telling me that he was cool and things were good between us). Then, one weekend I don't hear from him. Normally it wouldn't be a big deal, but this particular weekend, I was dealing with my mother being in the hospital and needed someone to talk to- I needed to talk to my man. I leave him messages and he doesn't return them. This is totally out of his character. He finally calls, days later and says the one thing I didn't need to hear "I don't want to be in a relationship".

So I get over that. I vent, I cry, I move on........Start seeing a new guy. Actually, someone I knew over 10 years ago (strictly a friend at that time) but this time we decide to start seeing each other. He's 38, never been married, no children, career driven. I'm 29, single parent, career driven. So we are good, for about 2 months. Then something happened. We started bickering a little bit too often. The routine we'd created changed. The conversation got dry. And into the 3rd month, he tells me that he doesn't know if he's ready for a family. That pissed me off. I made sure to keep him seperate from my daughter and we were only DATING. So I moved on (and he called begging me back a couple months later saying how he made a big mistake).

So here we go again- about a month later I start interacting with Guy #2. Now I just knew he was safe, because of the way I met him. I knew that I wouldn't get involved with him. We had similar music interests so I figured he'd be someone I could hang out with, NSA, and just have fun. HA, yeah right- he ends up my point of fixation for about, oh say 3 MONTHS. That's how long it took for me to realize that we were never supposed to go where we went, and i needed to back up real quick.

I decide to take a break and stop looking for this man that I think I'm ready for. And while I'm chilling, someone unexpected comes along and we start this nice "thing". It's undefinable for a while, but about 2 1/2 months ago, we decided to call it a relationship. But SOMTHING'S HAPPENING. We've vibed so good for so long, but the vibe isn't right now. The interaction is dry and blah. I seriously starting to doubt that we will make it, but I don't want to give up. I don't know if it's this curse or the fact that he's just not for me.
We had a bad "disagreement" this weekend, and yesterday I told him that we needed to take some time apart to think about what it is we want, and if we are willing to give each other what it is we need. I told him that the only way I could continue with him is if we can go back to where we were 2 1/2 months ago. I don't like the place we are in and I'm not staying here. I think I'm regreting the decision though. I don't want to take time apart. I want to talk to him. I want to call him. I want this b.s. to go away and I want us to get back right.

Love sucks-

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Girl, what can I say...LOVE SUCKS...DATING SUCKS!! I feel you have been dating these knucklehead to cover up the lost of your first love and not really taking the time to heal from that. And honestly I know your still not over him.

We've all been there and hell some of us are still there. All I can say is take time to enjoy you and your daughter. When its time to meet the right man, the lord will bless you with him and you will know it.