I am going to divorce my family- the ungrateful bastids!

I have a fully DISfunctional family. And let me start this by first saying that I know very well that I have issues myself, so I tend to keep my negative views of others to myself. But stupidity has reached an all time high in my family, and I think it's time to jump ship on these muthaf*ckas.

I called myself being a good person, and opening my home up to my 5 year old cousin, who's currently in fostercare. She and her 2 year old brother have been in fostercare for the past year, and my mother wanted them placed in the family. She'd been trying to take care of this for months, and when social services finally decided that they would allow the kids to go with her, the little boy turned 2, and they indicated that the kids couldn't share a room. My mom has a 2 bedroom home. So, I say, since I am with my mom all the time, I'll take the girl, my mom can take the boy, and they won't actually be "split up" because they'll spend a lot of time together during the week and every weekend. The social worker aggreed to this arrangement, and was going to make the recommendation to the courts this past tuesday but until the arrangements were finalized, the kids stay with my mom on the weekends.

They warned me that the girl had some issues, one being she touched her little brother inappropriately. It happened once, and she had seen a counselor for it. So I told them that we would try to work with her, and them to make sure that she understands that kind of behavior isn't acceptable, yada yada yada. But I let them know well in advance that if she harmed my daughter (and my daughter WILL TELL) all bets were off.

Sunday, I'm talking to my daughter (as I always do) and we are having our parent child discussion on who can and cannot touch you and when and where they can and cannot. So I ask (as I ALWAYS DO) if anyone has touched her in a bad spot. She tells me yes. So my heart DROPS! and as I get the information out of her, apparently this little girl went into the bathroom on my daughter and tried touching her private area. My baby told her to get out and she wouldn't, so my daughter told her cousin (who was watching them at the time) but she said that the little girl was in the bathroom looking at her and wouldn't get out. He went and got the little girl, and told her to stay out the room, but didn't think any more of it because my daughter didn't tell him what she tried to do to her. She waited and told me.

So I called him and asked him what happened, and he told me (what I just said) and I called my mom and told her that I wasn't getting the little girl. She suggested I tell my cousin (the little girls father) so that he hears it from me instead of the social worker. I didn't agree, because if he was on his shit, he would have his kids anyway, but I call him anyway. I tell him what happened, and he asked if I'd talked to his child- I'm shocked for a minute, and hesitantly say "no". He's like "well, I need to talk to her and hear her side". FOR WHAT? like she's going to admit to you that she did it!!!!!!

So I call the social worker the next morning, who inturn calls the foster parent and tells her what happened. She (the foster parent) asks the little girl what happened, and asks her to tell the truth. She admits it and says she did it because my baby kept telling on her and she wanted to get her in trouble.

But her father and grandmother both feel that I was wrong for calling the social worker, and I shouldn't have backed out but instead tried to work it out... UH, hello- what kind of fu*ked up thinking is that? This is NOT my child. I have a kid, and I have let all of them know that although I would help, I will not allow my child to be put in any kind of harms way. The little girl hasn't even moved with us yet and she's acting out- maybe I'm overthinking here, but that's just the beginning of shit, right? Say I "ignore" this, and let her move with us, and she does actually harm my baby- or teach my baby that ignorant bs and my baby does it to someone else? Then WHO's at fault? Is it the irresponsible parents, who allowed their kids to be placed in foster care anyway because they are not fit? Or, is it the grandmother, who didn't want the kids? NO! It would be me for ignoring the shit when it first happened! So I told my mom, I am going to curse them out and they can all go to hell, because no one is more important than her and her health- PERIOD! The ungrateful bit*hes didn't even thank me for helping out to begin with!

So he calls himself blocking me!

2k7 = change. My new motto. A major change is getting rid of someone who I've held onto for years now. So I changed my number, blocked him from IM, asked him to stop contacting me and deleted my Myspace profile.

How about this dude calls himself blocking me from IM and myspace. Guess he wanted to beat me to the punch. HA! What ever- go fuck yourself. You've been replaced and upgraded- no looking back

Would you "PAY" to screw Mike Tyson?

I heard that Heidi Fleiss (sp) is opening a male Brothel in Vegas, kinda like the kitty ranch (i think that's the name of it) that's on HBO. So women who go to Vegas can go and get their freak on with men of your fantasies. So I propose a question (LOL gotta love that Raheem Devaughn):
Anyone wanna f*ck Mike Tyson? Cuz from what I hear, he's gonna be in the line up.
I have to admit- I'm a bit intrigued. I mean, even though he's known as a rapist, wife beating, nutcase- there is just something about that man that would lead me to that place. I wouldn't have the nerve to "buy" him, but I would want to hang around just to see what kind of women would actually do it. And truthfully- his body is still to this day a model of a greek god
Road trip anyone? Afterall- what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas

Dish of the day: Interracial Dating anyone?

Who would? Who wouldn't? And if you would- what race/religion would you absolutely NOT date? Arab? White? Indian? What were your experiences if you have dated outside of your race? Share with me ladies.

It's just amongst friends

Let's talk- Sex & the City's "Mr. P*ssy"

I loved Sex & the City for various reasons, but probably the main one was their ability to over exaggerate every dayum thing. Like, take season 2 episode 15 where Charlotte dates "Mr. Pussy". This is a guy who is known for eating pussy. I mean, that's all he does. No sex, no dating, he'll just eat out, for hours and hours. He was known for having a good word of mouth. How crazy is that? Or is it? I mean, does a guy like that exist? Could that happen in real life? A guy that doesn't want to have sex. He gets his kicks from eating you until you pass out. And what would you do if you came across Mr. Pussy? Charlotte wanted to date him, but was reprimanded. She was told that you don't DATE Mr. Pussy. You get your kicks off, and set him free so that other women have the chance to experience him. But at what point in your life do you decide that you want more! I mean- ok, yeah I would love to have orgasm after orgasm after muthafuckin orgasm and pass out, with him only using his tongue....but I know me- I need so much more. And besides, can you stomach being seen with someone in public who has that stigma attached to him? Insecurities would kill me- lol!

Sooooo, ladies- have you came across your Mr. Pussy?

He's still calling- now he needs my "computer expertise"

So back in October I think it was I was complaining about the ex that won't quit. Well I thought he got the point, because I hadn't heard from him in about 2 months. YAAAAYYY for me, NOT! I get a call, and pick up the phone without looking at the caller id- it's HIM! *sigh*. Convo's something like this:

HIM: I need your computer expertise
ME: *dead silence*
HIM: I can't get my ipod to download. *starts to ramble about the issue and yada yada yada*
since I see that he really has an issue, I decide to not be a bitch (I wasn't in a bad mood that day) so we start to try to work through the issue. But I tell him upfront that not only do I not own an ipod, I've never seen the itunes software, so I don't know if I'll be able to figure it out without seeing it. WHY DID I SAY THAT? After about 10 mins- my patience wore thin and I tried to end the convo, saying I couldn't tell what the problem was.
HIM: Well, can you come over and fix it for me
ME: *dead silence*
HIM: I'm serious, no games, I'll pay you for your time
ME: *thinking now* ok, I may stop by tomorrow (totally bullshitting just to get off the phone)
HIM: OK, Cool!

So of course he's out of my mind no sooner than I hang up the phone- but alllll weekend long I got text messages, "you forgot about me?" "you coming?" "I'll try tomorrow" then yesterday morning I get a "Please call me" I respond (finally) "Bzy, call l8r"

He calls me- again I'm not paying attention to the caller ID, I answer- and he has NO mention of the Ipod- but instead wondering why I didn't call and wish him a happy birthday. Maybe because I don't give a fuck about you! Maybe that's why! dammit! I am 99.9% sure I'm going to change my number now. I've already went through and cleaned out unnecessary phone numbers- but I guess that doesn't help if they can still call you, huh?

2K = CHANGE and that's going to be my first (well 2nd) major change......

My Girls- Part Deux

Ok, so I have a TON of work that I need to do, and I took a lot of time to write yesterday's blog. BUT I have to take some time to finish my dedication to My Girls. I have some of the most down chicks ever! And it's so funny because during my teen years I was such a loner. I didn't trust girls and wasn't like by many. But adulthood brought some women into my life that makes me wish I could have had them around earlier in life.

My BMORE Chicks!

I moved to Bmore back in '03 and met Taa and Bmore in the weirdest way- a MESSAGE BOARD! Truthfully, had I been in Cleveland I'd never ever done it but relocating to a new place forced me to be creative and a bit more open to situations. I bonded with Taa and Bmore for very different reasons, but we are all similar in a lot of ways. And these girls make sure they give it to me straight, with no chaser. Regardless to the situation, I know that they are going to be direct, and give no bullshit. They are some evil heffas!!!! ROFLMBAO

Taa- Bmore and I always joke with her and say she's the grandma. She is very nurturing to my daughter and always has a very serious demeanor. She's the youngest out of our Bmore crew (that slowly diminished from a group of, what 10) but is happily married and I admired her for that. I also loved the fact that she TOOK her husband!!!!! LOL- she trips me out every time she tells the story. I know I can always talk to her and get good advice about relationships, and I'd take her advice seriously, because- well, she's married and I'm not so she must be doing something rightJ. She even went to a reggae club because I was dying to go, even though she HATES it!!!!!!! You could see the disgust on her face the whole time, but she endured (for as long as she could), just so that I could enjoy myself.

Bmore- That's my twin! I swear I thought I was a 1 of a kind until I met this girl. And the funniest thing is I just knew we were gonna bump heads because of how I first saw her. We were at a group outing at the Cheesecake factory (I don't know if you remember this Bmore) but my phone rung- and I had the "Sex & the City" ringtone (I have Carrie fever). Someone said, "Bmore loves that show too! Bmore, she has the Sex & the City ringtone" and Bmore looked at me like I wasn't even there. She looked right through me and didn't say anything to the other person either. So, me- I'm like "This bitch right here!" But I kept my cool, because I was in a new place with new people. Well, I'm glad that I didn't take that "nonlook" personal because this girl ended up being my personal Baltimore tour guide. And we realized we had so much in common. We share last names (until this September when she becomes an Orange- I still say we make him take our name), we both will snap on a mutha-fucka real quick. She's an accountant, which I wanted to be soooooo badly until I took that 1^st course. We are Sex and the City addicts. Oh, and we both LOOOOVVVVE Reggae- which I think was the deal maker. She got me to go to church (which is a BIG thing for me). She always made sure I had somewhere to go during holidays so that I wasn't alone. She made sure she checked up on me when I had surgery. And she got PISSED as hell at me when I said I didn't want to have a going away gathering when I left in April. She didn't talk to me for a month, but she did come to see me off and was sad that I'd left. Well, she's leaving me and the singles network to join Taa and the Married Club, but hopefully her husband will accept me as the sister in law from hell J that's always trying to corrupt his wife. It's a good thing we have already bonded. I'll just make him some fish and spaghetti and he'll be cool.

Speaking of Fish and Spaghetti- remember the Fish Fry's? We had some good times! Y'all had me drinking them dayum Smirnoff's! And Keddie's ass was @ Giant at 12 in the morning trying to get more food to cook! LOL…..

And the Sex & the City finale party we had…AND the Girls Superbowl party! Y'all gave me a life in Bmore I tell ya!

Kwanzaa- My Babygurl! This girl has to have the purest heart. She's so sweet; so polite. So fucking NICE! If I didn't know any better, I'd think that she was putting on the biggest front- but knowing her for the past 10 years, I know that she's 100% real. We've been through some stuff too, which let's me know that this friendship is life long. We've argued, stopped talking to each other, been roommates, taken road trips, gotten into a car accident, and shared our deepest secrets, which have never been repeated. And even though we live in different states, we talk almost EVERY single day. And she does stuff that only Kwanzaa can do that always leaves me thinking "That's Kwanzaa"… like last night I get a text message at 11pm saying "NY from flava of love show comes on next Monday on vh1". Um, ok? But- I just shook my head, said "That's Kwanzaa for you" and laughed. I call Bmore my twin, I'd have to call Kwanzaa is my yang….. She's the complete opposite of me, but keeps me balanced and in tune with positiveness. She always manages to see the brighter side of some real fucked up shit. And I love her dearly for that.

The Queen Bee- She's one of my 2 oldest female friends that I'm still in touch with. I remember when I was younger I used to want to be like her. She was the coolest bitch I knew, and always made you feel like you were cool too (even though I was a young cornball trying to keep up!) We'd lost touch over the years, but we always tend to make sure we know how to get in touch with each other.

Bratt- Bratt is an almost replica of Kwanzaa. Another very nice, pleasant, and sincere chick. How'd I find 2 of 'em? LOL- Bratt and I worked at the same company for a couple of years and she's a good person.

Finally- I have to add in the 2 little sisters of Kwanzaa and The Queen Bee: Santwinaa and Princessa
The sisters of my best friends of course end up being my little sisters. I've seen Princessa grown from a long skinny annoying girl (smile) to a very beautiful mature young lady! And although I met Ms Santwinaa when she was already grown, she's still a very sweet girl too!

I tell you the truth- I used to want to have sisters growing up…. But never did I realize that I'd end up with these 8 girls (plus 2 more that aren't on myspace)…… Woulda thought I'd have so many bitches in my corner!!!!!!!!!

Alright- gotta run now!

"I don't want to be in a relationship"

I'd been dealing with the fact that the person I thought was truly my soul mate and made for me and only me was just a figment of my imagination. The bond that I though was there actually wasn't and it was time to let go of that dream and move the fuck on. It was VERY hard at first. I was crushed beyond belief, and for the very first time, I felt a part of me being ripped out. He and I have been on and off for several years, but I've never felt this pain, and I finally realize that I am feeling it because this time, is finally the last time. It's time to let go, and move on, and allow someone into my life who wants to be with me and who loves me for me. (Short version for those that don't know- he said he didn't want to be in a relationship. Thought he did, he tried, but he doesn't want it.)

So in an effort to occupy my mind with OTHER things, I started pulling out CD's that I hadn't listened to in a while and came across 2 very powerful songs that spoke to me in ways that only Mary J. has been able to do in the past! LOL- for those that know me, they know that in my mind- nobody can talk to me like Mary. I've been listening to these songs so much that there are certain parts that I constantly keep repeating- the statements are just POWERFUL and are so much my situation that I had to share them.

Before we go any further: Please believe- I'm not in a depressed state. I'm good! Shit was hard as hell at first, but my motto is "2K7 = Change" and shit's about to change! Now I cannot lie- I will love that man for the rest of my life…. that's real talk. But it's time for me to fall IN love with the man I'm meant to spend the rest of my life with.

Now on to the songs……

"Hell No"

Monica- The Makings of Me

Hell no, you say you don't want it no more

Hell no, you say you can't give me what I want,

Hell no, How you just gonna leave when I stayed with you through hard times and you cheated

Hell no, I hate to say it but I need it

Hell no, god please talk to me

Hell no, This so called love was so deep it told you that you should run far and not give a damn about me

How could you leave me when you see me desperately in need of love- We've been here before?

I cried so many times but never did it cross my mind to ever let it go

Damn baby I can see if we've never been through shit before but we've been down this road

How could you leave me baby, please my heart is bleeding for the beat we had before, How could you…..

Damn I need you,

I wanna laugh wanna stand wanna get just 1 more chance just to see you

All my friends, all my kin say Mo just let that end but I breathe you

In the drive way, I found pictures on the ground of our 1^st date

"I never in a million years thought this would be me. I'm trapped in love with somebody that no longer thinks I'm somebody special"

Look at me!

OK- so I don't even know where to start. I can't say that I'm a Monica fan. To me, she's a little too young for me to be able to feel, but this song right here- woah! How can she just put out a song talking about me like that? LOL…… I mean seriously, let's take this verse by verse

• Hell no, you say you don't want it no more
  • Uhhh, I guess I don't have to explain that one

• Hell no, How you just gonna leave when I stayed with you through hard times and you cheated
  • Ok, so I stuck it out. I traveled because he couldn't (or I guess now that I look back he WOULDN'T). I dealt with …ALL KINDS OF SHIT! But he takes the easy way out and just gives up

• I cried so many times but never did it cross my mind to ever let it go
  • Over the years I never wanted him completely out of my life. I always knew that we'd be together. Somehow, some way….

• Damn baby I can see if we've never been through shit before but we've been down this road
  • Like I said- we've been off and on for years. We've (I've) faced some difficult shit, but somehow it seemed the love never died

• wanna get just 1 more chance just to see you
  • If only……on second thought, I might slap the dog shit out of him so never mind

• All my friends, all my kin say Mo just let that end but I breathe you
  • I BREATHE YOU! 'nuff said

• "I never in a million years thought this would be me. I'm trapped in love with somebody that no longer thinks I'm somebody special"
  • Never thought it'd happen to me! I wouldn't fall for somebody who doesn't want me. Please! I'm too good to do something that stupid

"Ex-Factor"

Lauryn Hill- The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill

It could all be so simple

But you'd rather make it hard

Loving you is like a battle

And we both end up with scars

………

See no one love you more than me

And no one ever will

……….

No matter how I think we grow you always seem to let me know it ain't working

And when I try to walk away you hurt yourself to make me stay, this is crazy

I keep letting you back in

How can I explain myself

As painful as this thing has been

I just can't be with no one else

See I know what we've got to do

You let go and I'll let go too

Cuz no one's hurt me more than you

And no one ever will

……….

Where were you, when I needed you

Now this has always been a good song to me, but just this past weekend I realized how DEEP it was. I heard the pain in her voice for the first time. I felt her… ESPECIALLY the very last sentence in the song. The shit put me in TEARS! But it was like a release, you know what I mean. Like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. She summed up the reasons I HAD to let go and move on in just 1 sentence. But lets start from the beginning:

• Loving you is like a battle
  • Actually loving was the easy part, it was getting him to believe that I was sincere that was a battle

• See no one love you more than me And no one ever will
  • I put that on EVERYTHING! No one will ever be more passionate, sincere, just completely down for him and everything about him- PERIOD

• No matter how I think we grow you always seem to let me know it ain't working
  • 1 step forward, 2 steps back. I should have known, that's how it was back in the day- why would it change?

• And when I try to walk away you hurt yourself to make me stay, this is crazy
  • We could have been done with this so many times, and every time- it was HIM that couldn't drop it. Even this last time, he started this shit up. I was minding my own business in Baltimore and he comes calling

• I keep letting you back in how can I explain myself. As painful as this thing has been I just can't be with no one else
  • Over and over and over- from 1999 until now I never wanted to let go. I never let anyone else in. Hell, even Tseday's father knew he was fighting a loosing battle.

• See I know what we've got to do, You let go and I'll let go too
  • TRUTH! It's time

• Cuz no one's hurt me more than you, And no one ever will
  • I played that part right there over and over and over….. I can't say that I've ever been truly HURT by a guy, because I wouldn't let him get that close to me. And you can't hurt me if I don't care about you. But this dude, man…….. I guess it's karma

• WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU
  • It's a wrap! I'm not even going to discuss the situation I was dealing with when he decided that he didn't want to be in "a relationship" but let's just say that he did during a real fucked up time. So I'd rather not deal because if he could pull something like that during that time, shit- he doesn't have my back or my best interests in his heart.

So like I said- I'll love him til the day I die. He's my first love, and I was blessed to be able to experience it- but it's time to move on…

my girls! Part I

disclaimer: This blog was originally in Myspace- but I decided to delete my page and move in here. I've copied all my posts over (including this one)......

So I've been trying to come up with another lovely blog topic- but all my thoughts seem to come back to men, or should I say my man- the wonderful man that he is (sometimes).... But I've finally decided to give tribute to my chicas!!!!! The wonderful women that I've been blessed with. Some have dealt with me and my many moods since early years, and some I bonded with in college. But no matter how I met you- you all have affected me in so way. So here goes: (oh, and there's a couple that aren't on myspace so they'll be nameless )

I'll start from back in da day- and while this 1st one isn't a girl- I think he deserves honorable mention

KING_MEATY: This was my heart back in the day. Met him in 8^th grade when we would terrorize the hell out of our honor's English teacher Mr Thurman! Remember that? Wow! Remember when we used to sing troops "All I do is think of you" and mock him and that dayum Edgar Allen Poe "Never more!" Those were the days! We were carefree and just hanging out. I was thinking about how I would drag you all over Cleveland with me, like you were my body guard or something. Knowing dayum well if anything ever jumped off I was gonna have to beat somebody's ass over my Meechie! Remember camp! We went, knowing good and dayum well NO BODY LIKED US! But we ended up making a couple of friends. Do you know one of the chics that HATED me big time because of big head Chris now teaches @ my baby's school? I walked in there one morning like "DAYUM! I'm gonna have to pull my baby out of here". But she's been cool. I'm glad she was able to get over what ever beef she had with me. But she sure keeps talking about how cute my lil princess is and how she's always dressed so cute, "just like her momma back in the day" (is what she says). So, I'm just keeping my eye on her right now. I was thinking about all the dumb stuff I did- like the time I went to meet a guy I'd met (over the phone) cuz he dialed the wrong number, and I took you with me. We cracked on him, because he had on Sacony's (I can't even spell the shit, but you remember!) That was so stupid of me- but you took that trip with me. We ended up not hanging so much as we got older, but I still embrace those times, and no matter what you are still my heart. I got so many memories, but I can't make this blog all about you, now can I (look at me, try not to talk about one man, and end up talking about another)

LuV iT r LeAvE it: My baby sister. Well, not biologically (she's my cousin, but she's the sister I NEVER WANTED!) She moved with my mom when she was 15, and I was away in school. I never really knew her until she moved up to Cleveland from Mississippi. But we started hanging out and I realized (although I wouldn't normally tell her this) she a lot like me. She was able to blend right in with my girls back home as well as my "prissy ass college girls. And they would have never thought she was as young as she was. She's a cool, beautiful chick (and if a certain individual who will remain nameless hurts her I WILL HURT YOU!) and she has a lot to offer. I think she's realizing that now and that's going to make her even fiercer than she already is. I'm blessed to have her in my circle and that she is one of my BFF's

OK, this is taking much more time than I anticipated, so I'll add more 2morrow

2BContinued..................................

People finding you on Myspace

Today I got the weirdest Myspace message, from a chick. So when I got the message, I'm like "Who in the fuck is this bitch?" I open the message, and it's a girl I went to high school with. Funny thing is this is the same girl who was "Best Friends" with the guy I dated during the majority of my time in college. I swore up and down, along with all the other hoe shit he was doing, that they were screwing. I wasn't feeling how they were supposed to just be friends, but I never saw her. She conveniently disappeared every time I was around. So I'm thinking to myself "Why is she writing me?"
We exchange a couple of messages, and then realize that HE didn't want us communicating because he was such a whore, and she knew so much, that he was scared she would tell something. She also told me that when I left him for some other guy (a football player she thinks) he was really hurt! HA- the irony. Anyway- we've said we are going to keep in touch. Neither of us talk to anyone we graduated with, and we are both college graduates- a rarity for my high school.

Another high school class member found me too- it was one of my honor classmates. It's funny though, I don't think I ever said more than 2 words to him. I added him as a friend, but he hasn't said anything to me, wonder if he's scared?

The FUNNIEST find though, is my VERY 1^st boyfriend! I tripped out when I saw his page! And even crazier is this guy is doing big things now. Back when we were 16, he was a prep school shy boy! Fast forward 10 years later, he's a club promoter, Que, mason, and all out party boy…. Shit is too funny! LOL

Am I expecting too much, or is he just an a**?

I try very hard not to talk badly about my daughter's father. After all, I was possessed enough to get knocked up by him, right? For a split second, I thought he was the greatest man alive. But shit went sour, and we parted ways. And truthfully, since the child support order went through 2 years ago, we have not had 1 single disagreement. He knows his daughter is well taken care of. He has full access to her, and I'm even very polite to the woman he's shacking up with. Hell she and I have even worked out at the gym together, once, totally coincidentally.

But I break my back to do extra-curricular activities with my Pretty Princess. I take her to Sesame Street live. I take her to the horse barn, so she can get riding lessons. I take her to gymnastics classes. I take her to ballet lessons. I basically spoil the shit out of her, which she deserves. I dish out a LOT of extra cash, just to make sure she has a full and active life. You know, give her everything that I wasn't able to have.

So today, I decided to go ahead and get the tickets for the circus for her to go next week. He calls while I'm en-route, and I tell him what's up. He immediately sounds interested, as if he's pushing for an invite to join us. Inquires how much the tickets cost, I tell him and conversation moves on, but of course, he's not invited ……I'm back at work, and get an email that the Doodlebops are going to be in town on the 29^th. But I'm already taking her to the Circus on the 26^th, and then I'll be out of town that weekend. So I call him, and say "Hey, since you can't take her to the circus, why don't you take her to see the Doodlebops. Tickets are only $10". He doesn't seem interested. But he was just interested in taking her to the circus, because that's what I WAS PLANNING ON DOING! So I say, "I can't take her, I'll be in VA and won't make it back in time to go to the show, and it's only 1 day." This ass says "Oh, it's only 1 show, she'll have other chances." So why am I pissed? I guess I shouldn't expect a man to understand how excited she'll get every time she sees them on TV and can say "Remember when I saw them!" Maybe I'm taking this personally, but Dammit I want her to go and see the Doodlebops! Hell, I wouldn't mind going to see the Doodlebops, but I can't……..So he SHOULD take her! BASTARD

The year from hell

I knew 2006 would bring change. The end of 2005 wasn't so good to me, so I was mentally preparing myself for disaster this year. But damn, did it have to hit this hard?
Shall I explain? I'll start with a hit & run on the expressway one day going home from work. Good thing I got the guys license plate. He had the nerve to tell the cop that he traveled 2 miles down the road and pulled over, and waited for me. Funny thing is I went down there, trying to follow him, and didn't see him. So armed with his plate, and vehicle type, I contacted the State Patrolman. That hit & run costed his insurance company $1k, but that was also the 3rd accident my truck had been in within 1 year.
Moving right along- I got offered a job in Cleveland, a great position taking on new challenges as manager, project manager, and some other tasks I had yet to get into. So of course I accept, but the official paperwork doesn't go through until April. The entire time, I'm thinking the job isn't going to go through, but when it does, I'm conflicted, because I realized I was leaving something important. But situations being what they were, I couldn't continue staying there.
I get back to Cleveland and within the 1st month, I find out that my aunt, the only elder with common sense in my family, has been diagnosed with a rare cancer and she passed away within 4 months. During that time, my aunt in Chicago, who was in remission, developed Colon Cancer. And to top all of that off- my mother may have breast cancer .......
Yesterday, I'm driving along, minding my own damn business- and get side swiped by a big ass van. Damages totaling close to $2k.......I was smart enough to get that plate too.....but my truck is once again FUCKED UP!
So I feel like I'm all alone right now and I don't have anyone to lean on- no one to talk to- no one to vent to- no one to cry to... No body understands

Why?

We are supposed to go out of town for the weekend. My mother says to me, hey- why don't you ask my homegirl to ride with us. I ask, and she's down for the trip.
So today I say to my lovely mother, "Mother, my service engine light is on. I am going to get it checked out, and depending on the problem and how much it costs me to get fixed are you willing to pay tolls & gas?" Her response: "Well, isn't Shonda going? Can't she help out with gas?" I'm confused, didn't we invite her to go on a family trip with us? Is that trifling or what? I mean, hey, come and visit my family with me, but I need you to help pay gas. I could see if she offered to help pay some expense, since she is like family anyway- but to expect or demand she split the cost is just GHETTO! My mother has some serious issues
She's starting to make me regret my decision on negating my other "trip" to take this one..... I can't even revise my weekend. I think he already has plans

Fu*king Neighbors

God must be punishing me for all those loud nights in the upperclass dorm. I remember it well! Notes left in the bathroom asking politely to keep what goes on in the rooms quiet. But I couldn't help it! I mean, how would you respond to the best sex you've ever had? Which is why I moved out of the dorms, into an apartment. But even then, moans and groans of passion couldn't be quieted.
But those were moans and groans, and if that was what I had to deal with now, I wouldn't be as annoyed as I am right now. Between my next door neighbors and the people upstairs, I am going to cuss someone out! They need to learn to pad their headboards and get new mattresses, because that noise is unbearable! It's so annoyingly bad that my 3 year old daughter refuses to sleep in her room because she thinks that their are monsters in her walls that are trying to get her.
And IF it lasted for more than 5 or 10 mins, at least I wouldn't look at the guy the next day and laugh at the lack of stamina he has going. But instead I pitty their wives for the sexual deprivation they must be feeling. I mean, the love of my life is in a totally different state, but at least when I do get some I am full for about 2 weeks . I couldn't accept anything less than, well, what I'm used to (but I would never divulge details of our hot and heavy sessions ).... I hate moving, especially since I'm trying to plan for so much more important stuff. but I swear to you if they don't move the bed, pad the headboard, or something I'm going to go through the wall. Better yet, on second thought- I'll just have to show them how it's really done. That'll teach them, especially since I'm in a completely new interior building. Why for the love of god didn't they make the walls thicker and floors padded? Well, we'll see who gets the last laugh

Take 2; Take 3; Take- NO that's ENOUGH!

So when is enough enough? When do you finally say- I'm done! It's over! I don't want to be with you any more. And why is it that when you say that, dude decides that he wants to straighten up and fly right? Now he wants to give to you what you wanted while you were in the shit u called a relationship.
So I was involved with a guy for about 1 year while I was in Bmore. But he was in Cleveland. Long distance sucks! But he was a good guy, so I thought. He's someone that I'd known for years, and I really enjoyed the time that we spent together. I also enjoyed the fact that when I traveled back and forth, I had free access to the home, the Lexus, the cash, and anything else I needed. Who could ask for anything more? ME! Of course.

I say to him, you know- what are we doing here? You are 30 something, I'm late 20's- I'm focused right now. I've made up my mind that I don't want to be involved with random dating and screwing around just because it's something to do. He says he feels me, and is on the same page. He's too old for that shit too. OK, so COOL! Right? WRONG! The idiot asked me to set up his blackberry for him, and must have forgotten that I'm a technical bit*h! I specialize in Computers, specifically software and I'm a hacker too! I can break a motherfuc*in password in a heartbeat- if I wanted to. So he's got all kinds of juicy messages, from multiple women and when I finally decide to confront him, he gives the excuses. But I decide that I'm just not even going to deal. I'm not into him to the point where my life won't go on without him. So as of December, he was a done deal as far as I was concerned. I moved back to Cleveland in April.

Can somebody please explain to me why as of THIS DAY- does this man constantly send text messages, phone calls, emails- requsting that we see each other, dinner, movie, he wants to talk to me, to explain why things happened the way they did- but wants it to be face to face. HA! Dude- why do you think that I want your explanation NOW? I wanted an explanation back in DECEMBER! I couldn't care fuc*ing less about you now, almost 1 year later. I don't have any motivation to go out of my way to see you- you disgust me, you dog as* bit*h as* PIG! FU*K YOU and please stop calling me! Idiots like this are forcing me to really consider changing my number.

PMS is a bi*ch right now and EVERYONE is annoying me-