Call me Capt’n Save-A-Negro

Guy #2. Sigh- I tend to find lost causes, and try to help them be better than they are. I guess you can say I try to upgrade them. I judge a person by their character, and that judgment may shift, based off what they show me further into the relationship. Guy #2 has issues, some serious issues. He has a tendency to say one thing, but act a totally different way. He also kicks it- hard. Ok, I’m not going to hate because I’m a homebody. I go to work, and go home. I hang out maybe on a Friday night every once and a while. But for the most part, I enjoy the peace and relaxation of being home. He plays these head games. He says he likes me so much. He really cares about me and hasn’t had this type of feeling in a long time. But then he doesn’t call for days. THEN when he does call, it’s to question me on why I hadn’t called. I’m too old for games like that, and I don’t like to be questioned, so those comments get ignored. He says he doesn’t call because he’s trying so hard not to get attached. But then, after a night of kicking it, he calls and wants to spill his guts to me. I begin to get bored. While the cat and mouse game is cute for the 1^st couple of weeks, several months in and it becomes too much, too boring, and I lose interest. Oh, and let’s not forget about the other chick. Oh, yes, there’s another chick involved. How do I know you ask? Let’s just say fate doesn’t allow bullshit to grow for long before being exposed. But he doesn’t care about her. He was just confused about me. He should have never ever messed with her. He just didn’t know how to handle his feeling for me. So I tell him we need to talk. We need to get all this shit out in the open, and decide what we are going to do. I’ve been very compromising up until this point. But it’s time to set some definite boundaries. We’re supposed to talk Thursday. But I don’t hear from him. He IM’s me Friday and we try to arrange this session for Saturday…Again- he’s a no show. Now he does text me, in the middle of the night- but I ignore him and continue my journey through lala land. This morning- another IM and I blow up. But at the end of the IM’ing, I’m the bad guy. All he did was IM me to say hi and see how I’m doing and he got cursed out and called a child. So I ask if he was really offended, he says yes, a little. I tell him he’s not half as offended as I am and that’s the end of the conversation. So another one bites the dust

Guy #3: Mr. P*ssy Revisited

Well, I’ve talked a lot about Guy #2…and I updated you on the drunk (Guy #1) but let me give you the scoop on Mr. P*ssy. We’ll call him Guy #3. We’ve kept in touch since our encounter. But I’ve told you about my phobia of being seen in public with the guy who has a good word of mouth (http://lulifeandtimes.blogspot.com/2007/01/lets-talk-sex-citys-mr-pssy.html ). So I haven’t really entertained any thought other than he and I being cool. But he’s been kinda of verbally persistent about us getting together. Now I say verbally persistent, because up until recently it’s been all talk. I’m a show me girl. Don’t talk about it, be about it! Ya dig? Lately, Guy #3 (It’s so hard not to call him Mr. P*ssy!) has been showing up. The calls have been getting more consistent, the dates have been more often, and the conversations are just flowing. Yesterday was a perfect example. We decided to hang out at the lake. So we got a blanket and headed out to this new extension to a very popular lake. It was cool, because the new extension isn’t crowded at all. So we lay around and talked for what turned into a couple of hours. Before we knew it the sun was getting ready to set. So we joked about marking that day down in the calendar as the 1^st sunset that we watched together! It was funny, because while the sun was setting, we were both in our phones trying to document the day and time in the calendar. We almost missed the whole thing! lol.

But I have made a promise to myself. I’m NOT going to screw him (again) - well, at least not until we’ve determined if we are actually going to become an item. At this point, I’m not too sure, but we’ll see what happens.

What would you do? More on Guy#2

I like him, alot. I can admit that I do. And it's not just sexual; even though it helps that he's absolutely wonderful in bed. But he has this thing about him. It's a little bit of mystery mixed in with genuine kindness and a little touch of thug. He has this deliciously dark skin that makes me tingle when I look at him. I adore him. I'm a pro at hiding my feelings though, and he's been trying to pull them out, but failing miserably every time. He'll go days without calling, expecting me to call him and flip out. But after he realizes that I haven't responded, he'll call or IM, or TXT me and HE flips out. And I nonchalantly reply that he is just as capable of calling me as I am of calling him. He’ll ask if I miss him, I reply “Maybe” and he’ll say “Well I was coming over but now I’m not”. I’ll keep the conversation moving like he didn’t say anything. Yesterday morning, he was playing around like he didn’t want to sex. I woke up (LATE) and figured since I was already late for work I might as well get me some, but he was playing stingy. So I got pissed. And this one I couldn’t hide because I don’t like you playing w/my sex drive. When I want to screw, I want to screw! No buts about it! Gimme what I want! I got out of bed and he’s like “OK OK I’m just playing”. I looked at him, and turned back around to my closet to (acting like I was) pick out something to wear. I was LIVID! He kept telling me to ‘come back to bed’ (I love John Mayer). I ignore him and walked towards the bathroom. He jumped up and grabbed me, and then I gave in…………….I can’t resist him.

But I know he’s not ready to commit, and I ‘m fine with that. But for how long? How long can I wait? How long would you wait? I think he does want to be with me, he’s just scared. He’s horrible at expressing his feelings, which is another endearing trait of his. But that in itself gets annoying because I don’t understand how a “grown-up” can’t communicate. He says that I’m good for him, and he doesn’t want to disappoint me. He doesn’t want me to be mad at him. Should I be patient, and just allow this to grow? Should I just say screw it and move on before I get too attached? What should I do?

Update on Weight Matters

I've enjoyed the detox phase of this diet that I've decided to use this as the basis for what I'm trying to accomplish. Before I give you my plan, let me update you. I started this "diet" Tuesday, May 29th and my official weight this morning was 6 lbs less than this time last week!!!!
It was HARD AS SHIT! for the first 3 days and I was a mess. I was having headaches, I was tired, moody, etc. So I modified the diet. It's something like this now:
I fix 2 bowls (appx40oz) of mixed fruit (including watermelon, cantelope, strawberry, banana, granny smith and red delicious apples, navel oranges, pinapples, and nectarines). I eat one for breakfast (AFTER MY DAYUM LATTE!) and the other for lunch. In between those two bowls, if I feel the need I'll get 1 1/2 handful of lightly salted peanuts. After lunch, if I feel the need again I'll get another handful of nuts. For dinner I'll either eat a bowl of broccoli or green beans, and 2 slices of wheat bread, or a 3rd bowl of fruit.

So what I've decided to do is eat fruit & veggies M-F and over the weekends add in a little something extra. Since the weather has been pretty good around here, it's not hard to eat fruit all day, and the grocery store has a nice selection of fruits so I'm going to try and stick this out for as long as I see results. 1 more lbs and I'll be out of the danger zone and half way to my goal. Hopefully this time next week I'll be sharing that good news with you!

Wish me luck :)

He's falling but doesn't want to

Guy #2…..What can I say? Where should I start? I told you that there wasn’t an emotional attachment to either guy. We hung out; we were attracted to each other. Things happened, and we kept moving on. I wasn’t into Guy #1, so I hadn’t seen him anymore after that night. Guy #2 is a different story. We were into each other, physically and otherwise. He’s a great guy! He’s one of those guys that will walk up behind you, wrap his arms around your waist, lay his chin on your shoulder, and it makes you feel so safe and warm. I truly adore this guy. BUT, I tried to make sure a certain “distance” was kept. After all, I am still getting over the “breakup of 06” and can admit that I’m not ready to give myself to anyone on that level this soon. But having that one person you can talk to for hours, hang out with, and have great sex without any stress, drama, or BS feels good.

He’s also getting over a relationship that ended after 7years (I think) last summer. He told me when we first started talking that he wasn’t ready to be in another one, which I could totally respect.

Afterall, (per Charlotte - SATC) for every breakup, your recovery time should total up to half of the term of the relationship? So, it’ll take him at least 3.5 years to recover, right? So, I wasn’t expecting anything from him. /sarcasm

BUT, he’s caught feelings, so he’s said. He doesn’t know how to handle these feelings and is sending out mixed messages which I HATE.

Why can’t we just leave well enough alone? Why can’t things just be simple? Why are YOU catching feelings? Shouldn’t it be me falling all quick? I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should just bounce or if I should stick around, and help him work out his anxieties. He’s been trying to feel me out for over 2 months now. But I’m not sure if I want to get all in my feelings.

OH WHY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????????????????????????

Cryptic Phone Call

Last night starting around 11pm I began getting phone calls from a restricted number. Now I am notorious for not answering my phone, especially if you block your number. So if you are calling me past dark, and I don't know who you are, I'll hit "ignore" and keep it moving. No one I want to talk to will call me late and unidentified. The last call was at 3:19am, when he finally decided to leave a VM. It was cryptic in nature, and took me a minute to realize that it was "Guy #1":-O......I had decided that I wasn't going to talk anymore about him. But this VM tripped me out, so I feel compelled to fill you all in. Guy #1 was a guy I was with in high school. He'd claimed to have some seriously deep feelings for me and that I hurt him. I, however, vaguely remember anything about the relationship or how it ended. The one thing I did remember is he had the biggest d*ck I'd ever experienced. One of the reasons I decided to sleep with him again was to find out if it was as big in my adult life as it was in my teen years.

I was hesitant about going through with my thoughts because he kept trying to reminisce on things that happened back in the day, and like I said I don’t remember NOTHING! But he caught me one day. I didn’t have anything to do and was bored. He stopped through, and things were innocent enough, but that thought lingered in the back of my mind. So as you know, it happened, and you know the results. Now mind you this was MONTHS ago!

So I’d been getting little cute text messages here and there. Requests to see me again. He wants to take me out. He wants us to get together. And the only time I’d get a phone call was when he was drunk. Then he’d ramble on and on about us and how good we could be. These calls reminded me of why I stopped talking to him in high school. He’s a FUCKING DRUNK (and was back then)! A hostel drunk at that! So our last phone conversation was approximately 2 weekends ago. He once again called drunk, talking about how he couldn’t take not seeing me, not talking to me, he wants me, yada yada yada. I told him I was sleeping (lying trying to get him off my phone) and told him I’d talk to him later. He got agitated, mumbled something incoherently, and then tried to hang up on me. He fumbled with the phone trying to hang it up and I heard “BITCH” then he finally hung up. About 3 days later I sent him a text simply saying “So I’m a bitch now, huh?” but hadn’t gotten a reply. Until his cryptic VM last night.

He said something like he felt he should call me (at 3 in the morning); he thought it’d be best to turn his phone off. He doesn’t know what I mean by my text because he’d never call me a bitch, and I don’t have to call him again (I hadn’t called but 1 or 2 times anyway and not at all since “the night”). Then he says he’ll call me…But WhY? Just leave it alone.

Why can’t I just find a man who had his head securely planted onto his shoulders? A man who works hard, and plays even harder. A man who loves life and is ready to be in a committed relationship without drama, bullshit, or any of that extra crap that I just can’t tolerate. WHERE IS HE?????????????????????????????

I guess since I’ve given the 411 on Guy #1, you wanna hear about Guy #2, right? Well, maybe but not right now- I have to go and get some more fruit. I also have an update on Mr. Pussy- but that’ll have to wait too.